March 15, 2013 by Vinnie Leduc
As ridiculous as the blissfully sinful Spring Breakers trailers were, I’ve been ready for that jelly, so count me in to check out a couple of barely legal Disney alumnae and James Franco with a grill and dreads indulge in what looks like endless partying, bills raining, bong ripping, booger sugar bumping, and flesh flashing… otherwise known as a Tuesday night at Charlie Sheen’s house.
Writer/director Harmony Korine, best known for writing the controversial NC-17 movie Kids, has graduated in terms of the subjects (from preteens/teens to college students), but clearly not in content. With an eardrums-testing soundtrack blasting Skrillex and a somber score from Cliff Martinez, Spring Breakers feels like a 90-minute dance/party music video (that happens to have a story incorporated into the sexy hot mess) that I’m sure some audiences won’t be able to stomach. It’s filthy… dirrrrty… maybe even disgusting. I wondered repeatedly (and still do), is this really how the kids are partying these days? Cuz damn. I feel old.
But you’ll get the feeling that this is exactly what Korine intended to do because Spring Breakers is shot and edited in a way that the debaucherous display of sex, drugs, and
rock ‘n’ roll dubstep could come off as shocking, exhibitionistic, dare I say… art. Sure, you can argue that the dumb dialogue and hollow narration, the recycled clips and sounds, and lingering slow-motion shot after yet another zoomed-in close-up of jiggling jugs amounts to a frenetic show with little actual substance. Yeah, I can definitely see that.
However, that would be too easy to bash on. Anybody who takes their children to see Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens and complains about Spring Breakers is simply an irresponsible and horrible parent. Don’t bitch about getting tricked by your kids into seeing this very hard R-rated movie. This movie was made especially for you! If you can somehow look beyond the bouncing boobs and booze, you’ll realize that Spring Breakers is an extreme admonition to parents and parents-to-be. It’s a cautionary tale with the volume pumped to the max in case you didn’t get the message through your thick skull.
Or, Korine’s gotten away with finding an excuse to make this year’s Project X, replacing the comedy with guns galore, girls gone wild, and grills. Actually, Spring Breakers is pretty damn funny, too, thanks to Oscar nominee and Golden Globe winner James Franco stealing every scene he’s in. Seeing him previously in a much more wholesome and family friendly role in Oz the Great and Powerful probably had something to do with it, but you can’t deny that even though he initially seems out of place (and unrecognizable!) as a rapper/dealer/gangsta, ultimately his performance is all in, unlike in Oz. Franco is serious here, and he’s seriously funny. Unintentionally funny or not, he is the most interesting character because the group of college meat holes certainly isn’t. Not only are the bikini-clad girls marginally appealing beyond the surface, but it’s difficult to feel sorry for them, so who cares what kind of trouble they get into? They certainly asked for it, maybe even begged for it. Hell, they kinda deserved it.
Regarding the pair of former Disney teen queens, let me get this out of the way. If you’re hoping to see either of their lovely lady lumps, you’re gonna be disappointed. Besides, you probably would’ve heard by now if they had shown their Halle Berries. But don’t you worry. Unless you’ve watched porn in a movie theater, I can almost guarantee that you haven’t seen anything on the silver screen with more T&A than Spring Breakers, and I’m certain that there won’t be any challengers to that titty title for a long time. If they ever release an unrated version on video, I’m not sure what else they could show. Penetration? Like the day after a wild bender or crazy concert, after watching Springs Breakers you probably won’t remember most of it or know what you’ve just witnessed. You’ll just know it was one hell of an experience. And not to have kids. Spring Breakers gets 3 out of 5 stars.