I’m ashamed I watched this. I blame it on my significant other and because the movie we wanted to watch had no seats left. But mainly I blame her. I’d rather have watched Titanic 3D, where I know I’m guaranteed at least a good hour (the end, of course) even though I’d have to get through two hours of romantic BS first. Instead, I got nearly two full hours of straight up BS. Mirror Mirror is the first of two separate live-action Snow White movies this year.
Hollywood has a history of spitting out similar, competing movies around the same time, and this year’s match-up is Mirror Mirror vs. Snow White and the Huntsman. Both films are obviously based on the classic Brothers Grimm fairy tale. Both villainesses are Oscar winners who’ve been nominated multiple times. Both actresses playing Snow White co-starred with Taylor Lautner last year. Both feature visual effects, swordplay, fantasy magic, lavish sets, and an ominous apple.
But only one looked awesome. And it certainly wasn’t Mirror Mirror. Even though some of the worst parts of the trailer trash (the Bollywood-style sing-and-dance sequence) don’t appear until the mid-credits stinger, Mirror Mirror is bad through and through. Julia Roberts initially thought the movie was a “terrible idea”; well, she should’ve trusted her instincts. Instead she got tricked by director Tarsem Singh into a bad comedy that looked like a cheap stage production but had splurged on costumes and casting.
The strange targeting of bookend demographics had two end-of-the-spectrum age groups laughing at the jokes you’d expect on ABC Family: 10 and under, and 60 and over. If you fall into the half century gap in between, I hope your phone’s fully charged. The swing-and-miss one-liners come flying at a rate that clearly shows this is supposed to be a full-fledged comedy, but it’s seldom funny. Even by baseball’s batting average standards, Mirror Mirror would be riding the pine. However, some parts are actually pretty funny but half of these laughs are unintentionally hilarious. The best scene is an all-too-short one featuring Roberts as the famous old hag with a poison apple.
How did the director of Immortals end up following his violent mythical movie with this lame and tame fairy tale adaptation? Although both films share that green screen stage look, you’d think based on Singh’s style that if anything he’d be directing Snow White and the Huntsman. Did he even try? Lily Collins did, lost the Snow White audition to Kristen Stewart, and had to settle for the next best thing… this. Not the fairest of them all. Mirror Mirror gets 1.5 out of 5 stars or D+ or Bad.